The Lies My ‘Loverboy’ Told Me™

It’s a devastating mindfuck the scapegoat experiences. They are abused and tormented for years behind the scenes. They show more tolerance than anyone should ever have to show. They swallow their pride and they bite their tongues… for years. They take the pain quietly… for years. But no one sees that but the abusers. And then finally when their humanity has been trampled on more than any human being could possibly handle, they finally have no tolerance left and possibly no sanity left, and they react aggressively, sometimes even violently to protect what’s left of their humanity. Witnesses only see this reaction and condemn the scapegoat as a violent aggressive person. The scapegoat is shunned and shamed while the abusers continue on in society as if they are the innocent victims. This pain on top of the lifetime of abuse they have already experienced, is another level of psychological torture most people won’t understand, and no one should have to experience this. The fact that the ab...

The narcissist will make accusations to slander your character and they want you to defend yourself. Keeping you on the defensive keeps the ball in their court. They’re keeping you busy. But if you don’t defend yourself they portray your silence as an admission of guilt. So what? It doesn’t prove anything and it is not an admission of guilt. Remember, narcissists play the short game of superficial appearances, lies and manipulation; our best tactic is to play the long game where truth naturally prevails. When you might defend yourself: Defending yourself can make sense if there’s a factual or legal consequence—for example, a work accusation, legal matter, or serious public defamation. In these cases, it’s done strategically, with evidence, and often without emotional engagement. Everyday petty attacks from a narcissist? Best strategy is usually silence, boundaries, and disengagement. Bottom line: Not defending yourself emotionally or reactively is almost always better. Defend only when...