The Lies My ‘Loverboy’ Told Me™

Narcissists won’t just be abusive. They’ll do tiny, petty things that technically aren’t abuse but they’re designed to get under your skin. They know exactly what they’re doing. And they know you can’t say anything because what they’re doing isn’t technically abuse. It’s not “bad enough” to call out. It’s not illegal. It’s not obvious. So if you speak up, you risk looking irrational, dramatic, or “overly sensitive.” “Wow, calm down — it’s not a big deal.” “You’re overreacting.” “I didn’t even do anything.” But they know exactly what they’re doing.  It’s psychological warfare.  These little “nothings” add up — and what they’re really saying is: “I’m in control. I live in your head. You can’t prove it.” And the truth is… anyone who behaves like this is deeply emotionally depraved. That’s a soul so disconnected, it has to feed off someone else’s peace just to feel alive. They’re trying to aggravate you…So laugh it off. Find their desperation to affect you amusing instead.  A...

It’s a devastating mindfuck the scapegoat experiences. They are abused and tormented for years behind the scenes. They show more tolerance than anyone should ever have to show. They swallow their pride and they bite their tongues… for years. They take the pain quietly… for years. But no one sees that but the abusers. And then finally when their humanity has been trampled on more than any human being could possibly handle, they finally have no tolerance left and possibly no sanity left, and they react aggressively, sometimes even violently to protect what’s left of their humanity. Witnesses only see this reaction and condemn the scapegoat as a violent aggressive person. The scapegoat is shunned and shamed while the abusers continue on in society as if they are the innocent victims. This pain on top of the lifetime of abuse they have already experienced, is another level of psychological torture most people won’t understand, and no one should have to experience this. The fact that the ab...

The narcissist will make accusations to slander your character and they want you to defend yourself. Keeping you on the defensive keeps the ball in their court. They’re keeping you busy. But if you don’t defend yourself they portray your silence as an admission of guilt. So what? It doesn’t prove anything and it is not an admission of guilt. Remember, narcissists play the short game of superficial appearances, lies and manipulation; our best tactic is to play the long game where truth naturally prevails. When you might defend yourself: Defending yourself can make sense if there’s a factual or legal consequence—for example, a work accusation, legal matter, or serious public defamation. In these cases, it’s done strategically, with evidence, and often without emotional engagement. Everyday petty attacks from a narcissist? Best strategy is usually silence, boundaries, and disengagement. Bottom line: Not defending yourself emotionally or reactively is almost always better. Defend only when...

“Malignant narcissists think they can abuse you terribly one day, and then act like nothing happened the next and you’re supposed to go along with this. Sometimes called “narcissistic reset” or “reset button abuse.” It’s a common manipulation tactic used by malignant narcissists where they expect you to act as if their abuse never happened, as if they can press a reset button and erase the past. If you refuse to comply and hold them accountable, they label you as the problem—accusing you of being bitter, unforgiving, or “stuck in the past.” This is a form of gaslighting and emotional invalidation, designed to make you question your own reality and force you into submission. It’s also connected to compartmentalization, where they separate their abusive behavior from their self-image, refusing to acknowledge any wrongdoing. In their mind, they decide when things are over, and your feelings don’t matter.” – Ryan Daigler , Exposing Narcissistic Abuse

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC9780135/

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